I have been going to my friends' weekly movie night regularly. I'm a movie junkie. The first experience in a cinema happened when I was about 6 or 7-- I watched Hayao Miyazaki's "Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind" -- one of the best animated films which I could not fully understand at that age. I grew up watching animated movies and Hollywood blockbusters (but I have always hated Disney flicks). Until Stanley Kubrick's "Clockwork Orange"-- at that point, at the age of 17, it opened my eyes and the doors of my perception. Since then, I am addicted to movies that worth my time. During my 2 years of boring life in Abilene, watching movies was the best thing I could do in this desert town (and using the first incarnation of Napster). There was a small video store "nearby" the campus. I would spend 15 minutes to walk there and rent movies I looked up from the internet. They did not have the best collection... but I just watched whatever I can, including some Kubrick, some Evil Dead... I also tried to go to the theaters to see some mediocre flicks. I just want to be in the cinema.
Every year I went home (Macau), I would go to China with my mentor/friend Sid for "movie-shopping". China has a lot of illegal pirate DVD vendors. It is a heaven for movie junkie because they have tons of foreign movies and indie cult flicks and the price is like a dollar for a DVD. Some of you very righteous (or just self-righteous) ones may think that this is wrong, but the truth is I can't even find these great movies in legal-DVD-selling shops (some you can't even find in America). 99% of the shit sold in legit shops are very mainstream, they are just too conservative to sell little-known movies. Over the years, I have bought a shitload of movies and I have not watched all of them up to this date.
Then I moved to Austin. Little did I know Austin was a great movie town. Then I noticed this small theater right by campus in the Dobie "Mall". I convinced my then-girlfriend Erica to see Amelie with me. It was great and since then going to movie (and movie-hopping in other theaters) became a weekly routine for us.
I'll continue my story with the next blog later.
Gotta sleep.
Pulp's "Something Changed"--- somehow it made me wanna cry.
hopefully, I'll get my reparation money from the fucking car insurance company this coming week.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
"Frontlash"
While I was looking for some music videos on Yahoo!Music, a headline caught my attention on the main page. It says "Federline says he's ready for backlash"Even without reading the article, I think it is bullshit already. Did I just see the word "backlash" in the title? I have to disagree with the writers of Associated Press with their choice of the word "backlash". According to various credible dictionaries, "backlash" means “a sudden violent backward movement or reaction” or “a strong and adverse reaction by a large number of people.” I am sure there is a large number of people would is jealous of the obvious talent and genius of Mr. Spears, but was there EVER a time that he was loved and praised by millions? The answer is definitely “No.” If there was NEVER a positive and forward movement for Mr. Spears career (or the lack of it), how can it constitute a BACKlash? The direction of the public’s sentiment has never changed, it has always been straightforward. There has been always a “frontlash” for Mr.Spears.
How dare you, Associated Press! Tampering with your stupid facts about K-Fed after snubbing Stephen Colbert with "Truthiness"
How dare you, Associated Press! Tampering with your stupid facts about K-Fed after snubbing Stephen Colbert with "Truthiness"
like a rolling stone
Tonight, I finally told my parents about the instability of my job situation. I hesitated to tell them a couple months ago because there were too many questions I could not answer myself. Well, there are still a lot of questions left to answer, but there are definitely less options.
I'll still have a "stable" job until May at least. But I need to find a job soon, even though there is a lack of motivation in my part. I felt quite overwhelmed sometimes and that is why I don't want to care about anything. I am not a U.S. citizen. So if I want to stay one year after my graduation, I would need to find an employer who would help me with apply for a working visa. I don't really have much expectation from my current employer (hey, they can't even keep me for sure, what can I expect from them). My family missed me being away from them and my mother would really be happy to see me back. Plus, her mother (my grandma) is terminally ill.
On the other hand, I have a lot of great friends here in Houston now that I would feel sad to leave them. Steve and Nadia are expecting their first baby, I would really hate to miss that. John and Mia are going to get married, and I would like to join them for their special day. Not to mention hanging out with other friends on a regular basis. Also, my field (counseling/psychology) is so under-developed in Macau right now I can guess how much resistance it would be for me to work there.
I am not the kind of immigrant is looking for the stupid American Dream. If I don't have any friends here, I won't even want to stay here for another day. Yet my concept of home has been blurred by the fact that Macau changed so much in these few years, I feel really alienated. Is it still the home I use to know? I surely miss my parents, and the home I used to know. At the same time, America is not my home either.So I feel a bit "homeless". I feel lost and don't really know what home really is now. Like Dylan in the song, there is "no direction home".
I never really talked about this crap with anybody.
I'll still have a "stable" job until May at least. But I need to find a job soon, even though there is a lack of motivation in my part. I felt quite overwhelmed sometimes and that is why I don't want to care about anything. I am not a U.S. citizen. So if I want to stay one year after my graduation, I would need to find an employer who would help me with apply for a working visa. I don't really have much expectation from my current employer (hey, they can't even keep me for sure, what can I expect from them). My family missed me being away from them and my mother would really be happy to see me back. Plus, her mother (my grandma) is terminally ill.
On the other hand, I have a lot of great friends here in Houston now that I would feel sad to leave them. Steve and Nadia are expecting their first baby, I would really hate to miss that. John and Mia are going to get married, and I would like to join them for their special day. Not to mention hanging out with other friends on a regular basis. Also, my field (counseling/psychology) is so under-developed in Macau right now I can guess how much resistance it would be for me to work there.
I am not the kind of immigrant is looking for the stupid American Dream. If I don't have any friends here, I won't even want to stay here for another day. Yet my concept of home has been blurred by the fact that Macau changed so much in these few years, I feel really alienated. Is it still the home I use to know? I surely miss my parents, and the home I used to know. At the same time, America is not my home either.So I feel a bit "homeless". I feel lost and don't really know what home really is now. Like Dylan in the song, there is "no direction home".
I never really talked about this crap with anybody.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Where is global warming when you need it?
Recently, the weather has been quite unstable. Sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's freezing cold. The cost of my electric bill DOUBLED in January (mainly) because I used the heater. So my broke ass decided not to use the heat anymore. I wear a lot more clothes during my sleep these days. But it is still not enough. It's 40-30 degrees right now (in the afternoon) and my last resort to gain warmth is to switch on the oven (because gas is free for me). I'm standing by the oven like a homeless man making a fire under the bridge. Hopefully, I don't have to stick my head inside like Sylvia Plath did.
Bullet With Butterfly Wings
I opened this blog about a month ago because I was not blogging on myspace anymore. Myspace used to be a pretty nice "hang-out-website" but for some reasons I just did not want to go on it anymore. Since then I only use my musical alter ego Pancho Lopez to keep an eye on my friends' blogs and I write on this blog sparingly.
Now that my friend Nadia is back on myspace, that kind of gives me an itch.
At least I'll let more friends to read this blog.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The Smashing Pumpkins' "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" describes my mood of the week.
Now that my friend Nadia is back on myspace, that kind of gives me an itch.
At least I'll let more friends to read this blog.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The Smashing Pumpkins' "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" describes my mood of the week.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Dream on...
Michel Gondry is going to release his new movie "The Science of Sleep" this year. This is a movie that I highly anticipate, because of Gondry's visions and also Gael Garcia Bernal (one of my favorite actors) is in the movie with Charlotte Gainsbourg ( daugter of Jane Birkin and Serge). Hey, I can't possibly ask for more.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Back From Hell... or was it heaven?
After 2 weeks without internet at home (because I didn't pay bills), now I'm back online. I don't feel too irrtiated during those two weeks because I had more nights which I slept early. Internet gives you cancer, smoking doesn't, right?
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Vote For Pedro
Hamas won the election in Palestine. Yeah, America, that’s what you get when you have DEMOCRACY. The people demand Hamas, bitch!
So stop fantasizing that democracy will solve all your problems, cowboy. You can bomb the living crap out of Iraq and put Saddam in nude, but you can never control how the people think and feel.
Not without manipulation, at least.
Let’s learn from one political icon and his party which never won the electoral majority but still managed to seize the control of the country. He was also able to suspend many so-called human rights because providing stability and safety to the country was obviously more important. Besides, he managed to convince the nation that his values and his wars were going to lead the country to the right direction. Of course, he had a lot hardcore supporters.
Who am I talking about? Not George W Bush and the righteous Republican party. I’m talking about Adolf Hitler and the Nazi party. Yeah, the Charlie Chaplin looking dude. Not that Brokeback Mountain cowboy.
So stop fantasizing that democracy will solve all your problems, cowboy. You can bomb the living crap out of Iraq and put Saddam in nude, but you can never control how the people think and feel.
Not without manipulation, at least.
Let’s learn from one political icon and his party which never won the electoral majority but still managed to seize the control of the country. He was also able to suspend many so-called human rights because providing stability and safety to the country was obviously more important. Besides, he managed to convince the nation that his values and his wars were going to lead the country to the right direction. Of course, he had a lot hardcore supporters.
Who am I talking about? Not George W Bush and the righteous Republican party. I’m talking about Adolf Hitler and the Nazi party. Yeah, the Charlie Chaplin looking dude. Not that Brokeback Mountain cowboy.
Nothing interesting here...
Work was pretty hectic today. Well, Wednesdays are never easy because I don’t get off from work until 8:30 pm. Sometimes I enjoy it, but tonight was just chaotic. For the most part, I enjoy being a children’s counselor. But when the kids go crazy and out of control, it gives me headaches and reminds me that having kids is a crazy idea (good luck to my friends Nadia & Steve).
All that won’t matter soon. My eventual demise from the shelter is coming in four weeks. Although I was told about the cut for six weeks already, I have yet to start looking for a new job in a serious manner. I am just lazy. I don’t know why. Maybe I should discuss that with my therapist tomorrow. However, I am still working very hard for my current job. My friend, who was also going to be cut, went to India and France five weeks ago. My supervisor got fired two weeks ago before her time was up like mine (and still managed to get paid until then). My mentally challenged co-worker is starting to take a day off every week until her last day. I am the only jackass burying myself into my job day in and day out… while I should focus on my near future. (I should be as motivated as Ed Helms on tonight’s Daily Show segment, which showed his job-hunting efforts.)
On a good note, people are treating me pretty nice. Yeah, that’s pretty standard, but I feel like some of my co-workers are being extra nice to me because I’m leaving soon. Rebecca bought me a breakfast taco today from a place she told me long time ago. That’s very nice of her, and maybe it has nothing to do with my departure. I didn’t get a chance to put that tasty taco in my mouth until 8:45 pm. So that taco (plus Lisa’s donut holes) became my dinner tonight.
Can’t stop listening to Television’s Marquee Moon. Tom Verlaine’s and Richard Llyod’s dueling guitars are blowing my brains off.
All that won’t matter soon. My eventual demise from the shelter is coming in four weeks. Although I was told about the cut for six weeks already, I have yet to start looking for a new job in a serious manner. I am just lazy. I don’t know why. Maybe I should discuss that with my therapist tomorrow. However, I am still working very hard for my current job. My friend, who was also going to be cut, went to India and France five weeks ago. My supervisor got fired two weeks ago before her time was up like mine (and still managed to get paid until then). My mentally challenged co-worker is starting to take a day off every week until her last day. I am the only jackass burying myself into my job day in and day out… while I should focus on my near future. (I should be as motivated as Ed Helms on tonight’s Daily Show segment, which showed his job-hunting efforts.)
On a good note, people are treating me pretty nice. Yeah, that’s pretty standard, but I feel like some of my co-workers are being extra nice to me because I’m leaving soon. Rebecca bought me a breakfast taco today from a place she told me long time ago. That’s very nice of her, and maybe it has nothing to do with my departure. I didn’t get a chance to put that tasty taco in my mouth until 8:45 pm. So that taco (plus Lisa’s donut holes) became my dinner tonight.
Can’t stop listening to Television’s Marquee Moon. Tom Verlaine’s and Richard Llyod’s dueling guitars are blowing my brains off.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Awkward Lunch Chat
I usually avoid taking part in a conversation which I know my opinion is not pleasant to others' ears, especially when I am talking with people that I don't dare to change, nor do I dare to offend them. I know some people block out messages they don't like, no matter how factual the messages really.
Oh yeah, and some of you fuckers who know me thought I dare to say anything. It is just because I feel safe enough to talk to you.
But sometimes there is no way to escape from talking.
Say lunch time today (tuesday). I was heating up my cheap-ass Hot Pocket Chicken Pot Pie in the staff break room, hoping to eat before a meeting. Two of my co-workers were enjoying their lunch when I walked in. As I started to absorb my pitifully meal, the two of them started talking about the theory of evolution. I was thinking, "Sweet Zombie Jesus, this is going awkward, I hope I won't get sucked into this meaningless conversation. I'm sure how it is going to end."
I don't know them very well, but I know Ms. E is a devouted Christian who sent everybody a Christmas card with more than 3 references of God in it. Ms. I is pretty new and I know she was not gonna say anything that would upset Ms. E or anyone. To avoid any chance of participating the conversation, I tried not to listen to them and focus on chewing my pot pie. I heard Ms. E saying something like how ridiculous the theory of evolution is ("You tellin' me that we came from monkeys?" etc). Ms. I, being the office newbie who needs the guidance of Ms. E the vetran, kept nodding and agreeing with her (without saying anything substantial). Then Ms. E said something about her nephew coming back from college and telling the family what he learned about evolution. She said "Just because they taught that at school does not mean that they are true." (Man, no wonder America's education system is so fucked up, you people don't even care about the validity of school materials.) <--- of course i didn't say this out loud.
Then the awkward moment comes. Ms. I, who didn't say a full sentence in their conversation, asked me, "So, what do you think, Francisco? Do you believe in evolution?" I was thinking, "Why the fuck do you dare to ask me? I'm trying to avoid this shit! She must be feeling trapped inside this conversation and trying to turn the spotlight on me." I, who was in no mood for a sure-win debate, did not want to lie about my own opinions... nor did I want to be the one who tell someone that Santa is not real. I was trying to be very diplomatic. I said I think the theory of evolution is valid. Ms. E was a little surprised (because I mentioned I went to Church two weeks ago?) and asked me skeptically, " So you really think we came from monkeys... or apes?" I said I think we share our ancestors with a lot of different animals. I don't even dare to explain the process of natural selection. Why do I care? I will only offend Miss E abd she won't change her mind anyway, no matter how factual my point is. I just wanted to state what I stand for and that's it. I did not want to try changing anyone. Ms. E then said, "Well, bless your heart!"
I really don't know why the hell they got so surprised that I think evolution is a fact.
I don't even want to discuss the ignorance of the mentality of science-is-against-religion now.
I just wanna say: I don't believe in anything. I THINK. I don't BELIEVE. I don't believe in the theory of evolution. I don't believe in Jesus. I don't believe in anything in a concrete manner. I hate to use the word "believe" because it sound so illogical and baseless in this world today. I think and I process. I "BELIEVE" I am more open to change, for belief's sake.
I am glad that Ms. E was nowhere near during one of my blasphemous outburts ("Jesus Fucking Christ!" etc), I'm sure I would have given her a heart attack.
Bob Dylan - "Ballad of a Thin Man" (Highway 61 Revisited)
Oh yeah, and some of you fuckers who know me thought I dare to say anything. It is just because I feel safe enough to talk to you.
But sometimes there is no way to escape from talking.
Say lunch time today (tuesday). I was heating up my cheap-ass Hot Pocket Chicken Pot Pie in the staff break room, hoping to eat before a meeting. Two of my co-workers were enjoying their lunch when I walked in. As I started to absorb my pitifully meal, the two of them started talking about the theory of evolution. I was thinking, "Sweet Zombie Jesus, this is going awkward, I hope I won't get sucked into this meaningless conversation. I'm sure how it is going to end."
I don't know them very well, but I know Ms. E is a devouted Christian who sent everybody a Christmas card with more than 3 references of God in it. Ms. I is pretty new and I know she was not gonna say anything that would upset Ms. E or anyone. To avoid any chance of participating the conversation, I tried not to listen to them and focus on chewing my pot pie. I heard Ms. E saying something like how ridiculous the theory of evolution is ("You tellin' me that we came from monkeys?" etc). Ms. I, being the office newbie who needs the guidance of Ms. E the vetran, kept nodding and agreeing with her (without saying anything substantial). Then Ms. E said something about her nephew coming back from college and telling the family what he learned about evolution. She said "Just because they taught that at school does not mean that they are true." (Man, no wonder America's education system is so fucked up, you people don't even care about the validity of school materials.) <--- of course i didn't say this out loud.
Then the awkward moment comes. Ms. I, who didn't say a full sentence in their conversation, asked me, "So, what do you think, Francisco? Do you believe in evolution?" I was thinking, "Why the fuck do you dare to ask me? I'm trying to avoid this shit! She must be feeling trapped inside this conversation and trying to turn the spotlight on me." I, who was in no mood for a sure-win debate, did not want to lie about my own opinions... nor did I want to be the one who tell someone that Santa is not real. I was trying to be very diplomatic. I said I think the theory of evolution is valid. Ms. E was a little surprised (because I mentioned I went to Church two weeks ago?) and asked me skeptically, " So you really think we came from monkeys... or apes?" I said I think we share our ancestors with a lot of different animals. I don't even dare to explain the process of natural selection. Why do I care? I will only offend Miss E abd she won't change her mind anyway, no matter how factual my point is. I just wanted to state what I stand for and that's it. I did not want to try changing anyone. Ms. E then said, "Well, bless your heart!"
I really don't know why the hell they got so surprised that I think evolution is a fact.
I don't even want to discuss the ignorance of the mentality of science-is-against-religion now.
I just wanna say: I don't believe in anything. I THINK. I don't BELIEVE. I don't believe in the theory of evolution. I don't believe in Jesus. I don't believe in anything in a concrete manner. I hate to use the word "believe" because it sound so illogical and baseless in this world today. I think and I process. I "BELIEVE" I am more open to change, for belief's sake.
I am glad that Ms. E was nowhere near during one of my blasphemous outburts ("Jesus Fucking Christ!" etc), I'm sure I would have given her a heart attack.
Bob Dylan - "Ballad of a Thin Man" (Highway 61 Revisited)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)