Tonight, I finally told my parents about the instability of my job situation. I hesitated to tell them a couple months ago because there were too many questions I could not answer myself. Well, there are still a lot of questions left to answer, but there are definitely less options.
I'll still have a "stable" job until May at least. But I need to find a job soon, even though there is a lack of motivation in my part. I felt quite overwhelmed sometimes and that is why I don't want to care about anything. I am not a U.S. citizen. So if I want to stay one year after my graduation, I would need to find an employer who would help me with apply for a working visa. I don't really have much expectation from my current employer (hey, they can't even keep me for sure, what can I expect from them). My family missed me being away from them and my mother would really be happy to see me back. Plus, her mother (my grandma) is terminally ill.
On the other hand, I have a lot of great friends here in Houston now that I would feel sad to leave them. Steve and Nadia are expecting their first baby, I would really hate to miss that. John and Mia are going to get married, and I would like to join them for their special day. Not to mention hanging out with other friends on a regular basis. Also, my field (counseling/psychology) is so under-developed in Macau right now I can guess how much resistance it would be for me to work there.
I am not the kind of immigrant is looking for the stupid American Dream. If I don't have any friends here, I won't even want to stay here for another day. Yet my concept of home has been blurred by the fact that Macau changed so much in these few years, I feel really alienated. Is it still the home I use to know? I surely miss my parents, and the home I used to know. At the same time, America is not my home either.So I feel a bit "homeless". I feel lost and don't really know what home really is now. Like Dylan in the song, there is "no direction home".
I never really talked about this crap with anybody.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment