I hate to break this here (and there're not really people reading this shit), but I'm no good in telling people shit about myself in person (pretty lame for a counselor) and I like to say shit when I feel shitty.The thing I want to say is -- I think I'll probably leave the States this year. There are a few reasons.
Well, the most obvious reason is that I need my working visa to stay but my employer does not seem to handle the matter with much enthusiasm. Couldn't blame them though, since I myself do not feel quite motivated to push anything. Why? I really don't know. Maybe I don't really care about anything.
What am I going to do? Probably go back to my home Macau, at least for a while. I really can't see myself staying there for long. As much as I love my family and home, I feel very alienated for a lot of reasons. So I think I will travel around. I don't have money, maybe I'll be like the Incredible Hulk without being angry and turning green.
I'm fine with leaving this country. There are probably a few things I like miss if I leave: my friends, my work, movies and live music. That's about it.
I think I've said this numerous times. I don't feel like belonging any where. As much as many people want to leave and move some where else, most people knows they always have to a place to fall back to. I don't. Not even my home, because it is not the same anymore, or I don't feel the same towards it.
Maybe I just don't know what to do with myself.
or with life.
Maybe that's why I don't feel very enthusiastic about pursuing anything.
3 comments:
Sorry to hear about your news mate. I guess there are many of us who are feeling just like you - you are not alone and welcome to the club! To be honest, if you are ever bored in the States or ever in Macau, you can come to England and have some fun! The parties are still going on, music everywhere, European films and heavy drinking Brits!
Re Hulk - I am sure even when you turn green in the street in China, you won't be big enough to break the shirts and tear the trousers apart!
Stay in touch.
After reading this I wish (for my own selfish reasons) that you would / could stay in the States. You are one of my best friends and I'll miss you a lot if you leave. It sucks because we were just talking about goodbyes and how difficult they are.
As uncertain as things are at this time for you I have confidence that you will eventually find a place that you can feel comfortable enough to call home.
No where home? I hear ya.
Well, I guess it could be seen in another way. If there's no where u feel like u can fall back on, that could just mean u can fall(back)on just about anywhere. i.e anywhere could be home. Afterall, we're not of this world. deep huh!
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