The rain had stopped by the time I drove into the parking lot. My parking space was not as close to the video store as I would like it to be, so I had to drag my tropical butt through the cold air for a few extra seconds. A man holding a bottle of glass cleaner walked up to me hastily and said:
“Hi, young man. Don’t be scared of me because I’m a Black man. I just want to get something to eat…”
I do not remember much of the rest. I knew he was trying to get some money in exchange for his windshield cleaning. The fact that he acknowledged being a black man would scare away many people appalled me. Instead of fear, I was thinking that a man with such brutal honesty definitely deserved a dollar. He could not have been more truthful about this wrong world. I told him I was not scared and I gave him a dollar.
“Stay warm,” I said.
Inside the video store, I could not find Syndromes and A Century. And it was why I came here. Then my mind drifted off to the window-cleaning man. I was thinking to myself, “How did a man like him end up cleaning windshields in the streets?” I surely didn’t know anything about him. I saw in front of me a soft-spoken, middle-aged man with a beanie and a windbreaker on. Any given pedestrian may just cross him out as an alcoholic bum, but I could not see any of that from my brief encounter.
Should I offer him a burger at Wendy’s and then asked him about himself? This sounds like an absurd idea but I was very compelled to know about his story. Then again, I am always curious about any person I gave money to. Some people never hand any money to the bums. Some people always tried to help the unfortunate for a bit they can spare. I, for most of the time, hand out a dollar bill occasionally because I am curious. On one hand I want to interact and observe but on another I feel shy and awkward. So before I walked out of the video store, I made up my mind to leave the man alone.
The man walked up to me as soon as I stepped out of the video store.
“Young Man. How’re you? Are you having a good night?” He said it with much hesitant.
I thought to myself, “Did he just forget me or was he trying to ask me something?” I stared at his thin moustache. Perplexed.
“Yeah… I think so. Have a good night.”
I walked to my car and drove away. I almost offer him a burger and get to know about him. Almost.
And almost means it never happened.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Saturday, May 12, 2007
News - Parody of Facts
I regret every time when I "accidentally" switch my TV channel to cable news. I've said it a thousand times already. They are plain dumb. It does not matter if it's FOX News, CNN or MSNBC. There is no escape when you trying to fill the TV with 24 hours of junk.
Watching Glenn Beck on CNN now just reinforces the idea that White people are very afraid to be called racist. Hey, people like him will try to find any chance to prove that he is NOT a racist. It's so pathetic, it's funny.
News and information are so distorted in America, no wonder so many people have their head spinning with confusion and ignorance.
People like Glenn Beck will never understand why so many people hate the United States. Listening to him will only make it worse.
Watching Glenn Beck on CNN now just reinforces the idea that White people are very afraid to be called racist. Hey, people like him will try to find any chance to prove that he is NOT a racist. It's so pathetic, it's funny.
News and information are so distorted in America, no wonder so many people have their head spinning with confusion and ignorance.
People like Glenn Beck will never understand why so many people hate the United States. Listening to him will only make it worse.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
2006
I've heard a lot of people say, "This year runs by so fast!" It may be cliche, but I could not agree more. It is just easy to look back and say time runs fast.
yet sometimes it was so painfully slow while I'm in the middle of it.
Especially when things don't go the way I hope.
But hey, at the end, at least for right now, things are okay.
As boring as my life seems to be, a lot of things happen this year. I probably couldn't name them all. But changing jobs (sort of, in the same company), death of my grandmother, sweating over my H1-B visa, going to NYC for the second time, the birth of my goddaughter Lucia and many more. It may be the most eventful year of my life.
Or maybe I just don't remember much about the past.
The best thing is I have a lot of growth as a counselor and I hope this will continue for a long time. I would not be able to tolerate being stuck at a point without any learning or growth.
I had a lot of happy moments, a lot of anxious moments and my fair share of depressed moments.
Overall, I'm grateful... but I hope I'll be happier next year.
let's just say no worse than this year.
yet sometimes it was so painfully slow while I'm in the middle of it.
Especially when things don't go the way I hope.
But hey, at the end, at least for right now, things are okay.
As boring as my life seems to be, a lot of things happen this year. I probably couldn't name them all. But changing jobs (sort of, in the same company), death of my grandmother, sweating over my H1-B visa, going to NYC for the second time, the birth of my goddaughter Lucia and many more. It may be the most eventful year of my life.
Or maybe I just don't remember much about the past.
The best thing is I have a lot of growth as a counselor and I hope this will continue for a long time. I would not be able to tolerate being stuck at a point without any learning or growth.
I had a lot of happy moments, a lot of anxious moments and my fair share of depressed moments.
Overall, I'm grateful... but I hope I'll be happier next year.
let's just say no worse than this year.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Museums in NYC- the first installment of my NYC travelogue
Introduction:
I was in New York City for 8 days from November 3 to November 10. Throughout my time there, I tried to journal as much as I can because I wanted to keep a travelogue for my entire trip. I find writing very soothing and reflective. Writing also kept me from forgetting the little details of my trip, like looking at what's on people's iPod in the subway and the name of the homeless guy who asked me for money (Jimmy). At the end, I did not have enough time or energy to write everyday and everything, but I did my best and I estimated there are more than 20 pages of personal entries, maybe more. It would take a long time for me to type up everything, which is something i am not going to do. So I decided to write a series of blogs to reflect and summarize my trip.
If you are interested in the pictures I've taken during the trip, give me your e-mail and I'll invite you to my flickr.
Museums in New York City:
New York has a lot of museums, and museums of all kinds. It is a candyland for museum lovers. Museum admission fees was my biggest (and only) expense (but I posed as a student to pay less). I'm a big museum bug since I was a kid. My passion traces back when I was little kid, I really wanted to see a mummy and I found out the British Museum has an extensive collection of Egyptian artifacts. I am also a big Michelangelo fan and visiting the Vatican City was my dream. The excitement of visiting the British Museum, the Louvre and St. Peter's Basilica was indescribable memories for me. Hence, visiting 10 museums in 8 days was a bliss for me.
Here are my ratings (from a scale of 1 to 5) for the museums I visited this time:
MoMA (Museum of Modern Art): 5 stars. MoMA is still my favorite NYC museums because it has an excellent collection of paintings by western artists across the board from 19th cenurty til today. Its rotating exhibition is always interesting, and the current "Eyes On Europe" (featuring european artists from 60s to now) does not disappoint. "Manet and The Execution of Maximilian" was a nice surprise. The photography section is not to be missed, either. The new building (at least) doubles its size. It is a shame I did not have enough time to finish everything (namely the first floor), but I did finish most of the stuff I've seen. I recommend everyone to spend at least 4 hours at MoMA. Friday nights are free. Audio tours are always free at MoMA.
The Metropolitan Museum of Fine Arts. 4 & 1/2 stars.
If I am not mistaken, the Met is the biggest museum in New York City (You can never be too sure in NYC). Simply say, the Met has everything. Arts from different culture, decorative arts, weapons and what not. It is only a matter of time before Ikea's collection has a room in there. The Met is so big it is not easy to navigate (for me). I asked the security guards a couple of times for direction inside the museum (the map is not helping). The lighting of the museum annoyed me because the light source comes from a weird angle (for a lot of paintings) which makes it impossible to look at some paintings at a near distance. Some paintings are placed up high on the wall (above another one), again made it impossible to look at it closely. However, my biggest personal problem with the Met is the anger inside me when I see the Chinese and Egyptian collection. Some of the arts maybe collected legitimately. But I am very sure a lot of them were STOLEN and ROBBED from the natives when the white men invaded their countries. As an ethnic Chinese, I was very disturbed by that feeling. I remembered having the same revelation when I visited the British Museum ten years ago. Why the 4&1/2-star rating then? The Museum has a great collection of 19- 20th century art. The Ambroise Vollard exhibit is top-notched and the museum's own Edgar Degas collection features the most Degas' artwork than you can ever find (from oil to pastel to sculptures).
The Whitney Museum. 4 stars. Their Edward Hopper (Nighthawks and other paintings) collection was my favorite part. I like Hopper's deciption of desolation and ambience. His paintings has a voyeuristic quality which makes the viewer feels like he/she is watching the characters in a distance. They are all very cinematic and enigmatic, there is always a story hidden behind the canvas. I consider him an influence on my own photographs (of course, I am no where close to his excellency). I also saw an interesting exhibition showing how Picasso influence his American peers (including Gorky, De Kooning, Pollock and many others). They even show their paintings side by side.
The Morgan Library and Museum. Founded by banker JP Morgan, it features the collection of the Morgan family and the senior Morgan's own study room. I only visited there after learning there is a "Bob Dylan's American Journey 1956-1966" exhibition. The Bob Dylan showcase is definitely 5 stars for a Dylan fan like me, where you can see anything from his guitar to his hand-written letters and lyrics. There are also stations for listening to his albums during that time period. If not for the Bob Dylan exhibition, the Morgan Library is probably a 2-star location because there was not much to see. Mozart Manuscripts? It won't take me more than 10 minutes and who reads German, huh?
The International Center for Photography. 4 stars. It is located in Midtown Manhattan, so it is an easy location and I highly recommend it to everyone. It features mostly journalistic photographs. The current topic is "Ecotopia", so basically all the photos have something to deal with the enviroment. Hurricane Katrina, Tsunami, Global Warming and Deforestation... you name it . The slideshows are awesome. I love the short films featured there but people should not expect to be amused by sitting down for just 30 seconds. Just pay attention and you'll find some gems. "Safari" by Catherine Chalmers is about a cockroach venturing a jungle of different insects, reptiles and amphibians. "Imported Crows" by Goran Devic talked about the relationship between small town Croatian and the huge amount of crows inhabited there, subtly linking the sentiment to the ethnic tensions there.
Jacques Marchias Museum of Tibetan. 3 1/2 stars. I only visited this small museum after stumbling onto Staten Island by chance (what Buddhist-esque coincident). Jacques Marchias was actually a woman. She took a French man's name in order to attract customers as an antique dealer. She was not a Buddhist but she built this temple-like museum before she died. According to the tour guide, Dalai Lama said she is an reincarnation of a Lama. The sand mandala, which took a Bhutanese monk 4 days and his fingers only to make, was eye-opening for me, something I've only seen in Scorsese's film Kundun. Monks believe in the impermenance of and nonattachment to material things, so they usually destroy the sand mandalas soon after they are done. It was rare for this one to be kept for exhibition purposes. The other Tibetan artifacts are very delicate. Most people won't visit Staten Island and this is pretty far from Manhattan. But by chance, you're on the island, this is the one place to go. The so-called nearby (took me at least 20 minutes of walking) Frank Lloyd Wright house was a waste of time. I was not impressed. Not at all.
The National Museum of American Indian. 3 1/2stars. I needed to use the restroom badly (you know how hostile NYC is to one's bladder) and the admission is free, so I stumbled into this fine and underrated museum. The pottery reminded me how important it is for the Native Americans to continue their art because it keeps their culture alive. The pottery figures are made in simple shapes and I can relate to their style. It's lovely, it's free and there's a restroom. Why not visit there if you're around the area (near the Staten Island Ferry in Manhattan).
P.S.1 Contemporary Art Center. 3 stars. I got a free admission from my MoMA ticket. If you're in Queens. This would be a nice place to go (not too far). Most post-modern and modern artwork (like its namesake). The "Music is a better noise" is an interesting exhibition, which features artwork by musicians like Thurston Moore, Kim Gordon, Alan Vega (Suicide) and many others. The building was a high school.
Queens Museum of Art. 2 & 1/2 stars. I went there because I wanted to see the Panorama of NYC, a 9,000 square foot model of the city. Very unfortunately, the model was closed for construction. It was a big letdown. The World Fair history was not very interesting. The "Queens International" exhibition featuring local artists was okay.
Museum of Sex. 1 & 1/2 star. It was my biggest disappointment. There are a lot of history and artifacts on pornography and BDSM, but a comparatively small and not very impressive take on other aspects of human sexuality. And the admission fee is relatively expensive ($13.50). On the survey I filled out, I wrote they should include a more feminist perspective in the museum.
I was in New York City for 8 days from November 3 to November 10. Throughout my time there, I tried to journal as much as I can because I wanted to keep a travelogue for my entire trip. I find writing very soothing and reflective. Writing also kept me from forgetting the little details of my trip, like looking at what's on people's iPod in the subway and the name of the homeless guy who asked me for money (Jimmy). At the end, I did not have enough time or energy to write everyday and everything, but I did my best and I estimated there are more than 20 pages of personal entries, maybe more. It would take a long time for me to type up everything, which is something i am not going to do. So I decided to write a series of blogs to reflect and summarize my trip.
If you are interested in the pictures I've taken during the trip, give me your e-mail and I'll invite you to my flickr.
Museums in New York City:
New York has a lot of museums, and museums of all kinds. It is a candyland for museum lovers. Museum admission fees was my biggest (and only) expense (but I posed as a student to pay less). I'm a big museum bug since I was a kid. My passion traces back when I was little kid, I really wanted to see a mummy and I found out the British Museum has an extensive collection of Egyptian artifacts. I am also a big Michelangelo fan and visiting the Vatican City was my dream. The excitement of visiting the British Museum, the Louvre and St. Peter's Basilica was indescribable memories for me. Hence, visiting 10 museums in 8 days was a bliss for me.
Here are my ratings (from a scale of 1 to 5) for the museums I visited this time:
MoMA (Museum of Modern Art): 5 stars. MoMA is still my favorite NYC museums because it has an excellent collection of paintings by western artists across the board from 19th cenurty til today. Its rotating exhibition is always interesting, and the current "Eyes On Europe" (featuring european artists from 60s to now) does not disappoint. "Manet and The Execution of Maximilian" was a nice surprise. The photography section is not to be missed, either. The new building (at least) doubles its size. It is a shame I did not have enough time to finish everything (namely the first floor), but I did finish most of the stuff I've seen. I recommend everyone to spend at least 4 hours at MoMA. Friday nights are free. Audio tours are always free at MoMA.
The Metropolitan Museum of Fine Arts. 4 & 1/2 stars.
If I am not mistaken, the Met is the biggest museum in New York City (You can never be too sure in NYC). Simply say, the Met has everything. Arts from different culture, decorative arts, weapons and what not. It is only a matter of time before Ikea's collection has a room in there. The Met is so big it is not easy to navigate (for me). I asked the security guards a couple of times for direction inside the museum (the map is not helping). The lighting of the museum annoyed me because the light source comes from a weird angle (for a lot of paintings) which makes it impossible to look at some paintings at a near distance. Some paintings are placed up high on the wall (above another one), again made it impossible to look at it closely. However, my biggest personal problem with the Met is the anger inside me when I see the Chinese and Egyptian collection. Some of the arts maybe collected legitimately. But I am very sure a lot of them were STOLEN and ROBBED from the natives when the white men invaded their countries. As an ethnic Chinese, I was very disturbed by that feeling. I remembered having the same revelation when I visited the British Museum ten years ago. Why the 4&1/2-star rating then? The Museum has a great collection of 19- 20th century art. The Ambroise Vollard exhibit is top-notched and the museum's own Edgar Degas collection features the most Degas' artwork than you can ever find (from oil to pastel to sculptures).
The Whitney Museum. 4 stars. Their Edward Hopper (Nighthawks and other paintings) collection was my favorite part. I like Hopper's deciption of desolation and ambience. His paintings has a voyeuristic quality which makes the viewer feels like he/she is watching the characters in a distance. They are all very cinematic and enigmatic, there is always a story hidden behind the canvas. I consider him an influence on my own photographs (of course, I am no where close to his excellency). I also saw an interesting exhibition showing how Picasso influence his American peers (including Gorky, De Kooning, Pollock and many others). They even show their paintings side by side.
The Morgan Library and Museum. Founded by banker JP Morgan, it features the collection of the Morgan family and the senior Morgan's own study room. I only visited there after learning there is a "Bob Dylan's American Journey 1956-1966" exhibition. The Bob Dylan showcase is definitely 5 stars for a Dylan fan like me, where you can see anything from his guitar to his hand-written letters and lyrics. There are also stations for listening to his albums during that time period. If not for the Bob Dylan exhibition, the Morgan Library is probably a 2-star location because there was not much to see. Mozart Manuscripts? It won't take me more than 10 minutes and who reads German, huh?
The International Center for Photography. 4 stars. It is located in Midtown Manhattan, so it is an easy location and I highly recommend it to everyone. It features mostly journalistic photographs. The current topic is "Ecotopia", so basically all the photos have something to deal with the enviroment. Hurricane Katrina, Tsunami, Global Warming and Deforestation... you name it . The slideshows are awesome. I love the short films featured there but people should not expect to be amused by sitting down for just 30 seconds. Just pay attention and you'll find some gems. "Safari" by Catherine Chalmers is about a cockroach venturing a jungle of different insects, reptiles and amphibians. "Imported Crows" by Goran Devic talked about the relationship between small town Croatian and the huge amount of crows inhabited there, subtly linking the sentiment to the ethnic tensions there.
Jacques Marchias Museum of Tibetan. 3 1/2 stars. I only visited this small museum after stumbling onto Staten Island by chance (what Buddhist-esque coincident). Jacques Marchias was actually a woman. She took a French man's name in order to attract customers as an antique dealer. She was not a Buddhist but she built this temple-like museum before she died. According to the tour guide, Dalai Lama said she is an reincarnation of a Lama. The sand mandala, which took a Bhutanese monk 4 days and his fingers only to make, was eye-opening for me, something I've only seen in Scorsese's film Kundun. Monks believe in the impermenance of and nonattachment to material things, so they usually destroy the sand mandalas soon after they are done. It was rare for this one to be kept for exhibition purposes. The other Tibetan artifacts are very delicate. Most people won't visit Staten Island and this is pretty far from Manhattan. But by chance, you're on the island, this is the one place to go. The so-called nearby (took me at least 20 minutes of walking) Frank Lloyd Wright house was a waste of time. I was not impressed. Not at all.
The National Museum of American Indian. 3 1/2stars. I needed to use the restroom badly (you know how hostile NYC is to one's bladder) and the admission is free, so I stumbled into this fine and underrated museum. The pottery reminded me how important it is for the Native Americans to continue their art because it keeps their culture alive. The pottery figures are made in simple shapes and I can relate to their style. It's lovely, it's free and there's a restroom. Why not visit there if you're around the area (near the Staten Island Ferry in Manhattan).
P.S.1 Contemporary Art Center. 3 stars. I got a free admission from my MoMA ticket. If you're in Queens. This would be a nice place to go (not too far). Most post-modern and modern artwork (like its namesake). The "Music is a better noise" is an interesting exhibition, which features artwork by musicians like Thurston Moore, Kim Gordon, Alan Vega (Suicide) and many others. The building was a high school.
Queens Museum of Art. 2 & 1/2 stars. I went there because I wanted to see the Panorama of NYC, a 9,000 square foot model of the city. Very unfortunately, the model was closed for construction. It was a big letdown. The World Fair history was not very interesting. The "Queens International" exhibition featuring local artists was okay.
Museum of Sex. 1 & 1/2 star. It was my biggest disappointment. There are a lot of history and artifacts on pornography and BDSM, but a comparatively small and not very impressive take on other aspects of human sexuality. And the admission fee is relatively expensive ($13.50). On the survey I filled out, I wrote they should include a more feminist perspective in the museum.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
In love with my nintendo ds
After helping my friends Joe and Kathryn moved on Sunday, Kathryn and I went to buy an Nintendo DS since we both had recently checked it out and was feeling the urge.
Man, it was so exciting. I felt like a little kid. For for my record, I never had a gameboy in my life (even though I had other home consoles). This is a freakin' dream come true.
I'm so in love with my DS. It is so adorable. So adorable only my goddaughter Lucia can compete with it.
I have Mario Kart (which is a big reason I want a DS) and Animal Crossing: Wild World.
Wi-fi kicks ass but I need friends for Animal Crossing. Anyone, I'll be your friend
Man, it was so exciting. I felt like a little kid. For for my record, I never had a gameboy in my life (even though I had other home consoles). This is a freakin' dream come true.
I'm so in love with my DS. It is so adorable. So adorable only my goddaughter Lucia can compete with it.
I have Mario Kart (which is a big reason I want a DS) and Animal Crossing: Wild World.
Wi-fi kicks ass but I need friends for Animal Crossing. Anyone, I'll be your friend
Friday, October 13, 2006
October means...
I want to use this blog to respond and pass along the message from my friend Allison's blog.
October means different things for different people. For some, it means post-season baseball. For some, it means National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. For others, it means a change of season. But right now, I want to remind everybody that October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
You may ask, "What does domestic violence have to do with me?" Let me tell you it has everything to do with you. One in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. It is safe for me to say every person knows someone affected by domestic violence. Domestic violence is not only about some guy beating up his wife. Abuse happens in all shapes and forms-- emotionally, economically, sexually and spiritually, too. Besides, it can also happen to men (though in a smaller number).
What can you do to help? If you have money, you can generously donate it to support the funding of domestic violence. Contact your local non-profit organizations or charities. If you don't have money, it is okay too. Learn about it, educate yourself and talk about it with your family and friends. Your knowledge and awareness can be very influential. Breaking the silence is the first step in breaking the cycle of violence.
Links which you can learn more about the subject:
Texas Council on Family Violence
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Houston Area Women's Center
You have two choices: Be a bystander or make a difference. It is up to you.
And if you really want to, I will be glad to talk with you about domestic violence.
October means different things for different people. For some, it means post-season baseball. For some, it means National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. For others, it means a change of season. But right now, I want to remind everybody that October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
You may ask, "What does domestic violence have to do with me?" Let me tell you it has everything to do with you. One in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. It is safe for me to say every person knows someone affected by domestic violence. Domestic violence is not only about some guy beating up his wife. Abuse happens in all shapes and forms-- emotionally, economically, sexually and spiritually, too. Besides, it can also happen to men (though in a smaller number).
What can you do to help? If you have money, you can generously donate it to support the funding of domestic violence. Contact your local non-profit organizations or charities. If you don't have money, it is okay too. Learn about it, educate yourself and talk about it with your family and friends. Your knowledge and awareness can be very influential. Breaking the silence is the first step in breaking the cycle of violence.
Links which you can learn more about the subject:
Texas Council on Family Violence
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Houston Area Women's Center
You have two choices: Be a bystander or make a difference. It is up to you.
And if you really want to, I will be glad to talk with you about domestic violence.
Monday, September 25, 2006
A Capitalist Manifesto
Just as I was struggling to calculate and worry my expenses in relation to my salary, my parents sent me an email of an ad from the local (Macau's) government on hiring a therapist. My parents, though very supportive, has always wanted me to go back home. According to the figures provided by my mother, the salary of that job is about double my current pay. And they even provide housing allowance (extra bling). On top of that, living in Macau is like 7 times cheaper than living in Houston. Gawd! Life without the need to worry about money, how convenient!
Think about how filthy rich I could be.
Think about all the booze I can gulp. Think about the 2007 Mini Cooper.
Forget about it.
I just decided that I would stay in America at least 3 more years. I just had my one year anniversary at my workplace (which was filled with obstacles unrelated to my work performance). I really like what I am doing now and I want to be better. I still have the zest and energy to learn. Going back to Macau, in my opinion, will hinder my growth. It will be hard for me to find people I can learn from because the field of psychology/counseling is very primitive.
Also, frankly and brutually, I think most people in Macau don't give a shit about what they do, nor do they have the knowledge or ability to do so. On second thought, isn't it like that anywhere? Well, yes. Yet it will be difficult to top a place where the general public is a carefree cow who is willing to milk itself for the richest, despite all the sickness and grotesque given in the process.
This blog was supposed to be about me choosing to stay instead of applying for the nice comfortable job back home. I don't know how it became a political critique. Go back to the subject, I'm enjoying my work now and I see some of my friends hating their newly-found better-paying jobs. I don't envy that. Honestly, I go to work because I want to go. No one makes me and no one can.
Just go rob a bank if you only need money, right? I guess people do it every day. (please don't rob wells fargo, i go there)
It is cliche. All the lavish material a better job can buy would not make me happy. Probably, going home would not change how I feel. When one problem is resolved, there is always another one. It is never-ending. None of that will save me from my misery.
For right now, it is better for me to...
Think about all the things I've learned.
Think about my 2006 Honda Civic. Think about my friends. Think about my delightful goddaughter Lucia.
Think about movie night next week?
Think about how filthy rich I could be.
Think about all the booze I can gulp. Think about the 2007 Mini Cooper.
Forget about it.
I just decided that I would stay in America at least 3 more years. I just had my one year anniversary at my workplace (which was filled with obstacles unrelated to my work performance). I really like what I am doing now and I want to be better. I still have the zest and energy to learn. Going back to Macau, in my opinion, will hinder my growth. It will be hard for me to find people I can learn from because the field of psychology/counseling is very primitive.
Also, frankly and brutually, I think most people in Macau don't give a shit about what they do, nor do they have the knowledge or ability to do so. On second thought, isn't it like that anywhere? Well, yes. Yet it will be difficult to top a place where the general public is a carefree cow who is willing to milk itself for the richest, despite all the sickness and grotesque given in the process.
This blog was supposed to be about me choosing to stay instead of applying for the nice comfortable job back home. I don't know how it became a political critique. Go back to the subject, I'm enjoying my work now and I see some of my friends hating their newly-found better-paying jobs. I don't envy that. Honestly, I go to work because I want to go. No one makes me and no one can.
Just go rob a bank if you only need money, right? I guess people do it every day. (please don't rob wells fargo, i go there)
It is cliche. All the lavish material a better job can buy would not make me happy. Probably, going home would not change how I feel. When one problem is resolved, there is always another one. It is never-ending. None of that will save me from my misery.
For right now, it is better for me to...
Think about all the things I've learned.
Think about my 2006 Honda Civic. Think about my friends. Think about my delightful goddaughter Lucia.
Think about movie night next week?
Friday, July 21, 2006
A Means To An End
Today is my grandmother's funeral. I could not be there but I've been thinking about my family all day. I wish I could be there for them. As my mom requested, I wore black clothes today. I hope all is fine with her. And I know it will be.
I thank all my friends here who supported me as always. It was also very nice of my co-workers to send me their condolences. They even got me some very delicate orchids.
I thank all my friends here who supported me as always. It was also very nice of my co-workers to send me their condolences. They even got me some very delicate orchids.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Dead Meat
In the animation futurama, when Professor Farnsworth was saying goodbye to everyone because he thought he was going to die, Bender said, "Life goes on.... except for you! HAHAHA!"
While the joke is cruel (and funny), I hope the same can apply to Kenneth "Kenny Boy" Lay. Right-wing freaks thought it is some left-wing bullshit when people suggest Ken Lay did not die of natural causes, or maybe even faking his death. While there is no evidence to prove so, but the circumstances (the timing, the aftermath...) of his death is very suspicious.
Today, a banker related to Enron's case was found dead in the UK. Things only get fishier....
Because Ken Lay is dead, all these dumb fucks have been saying "good things" about him. For example, Bush called him a "generous man". What the fuck, Ken Lay's a douchebag, a white collar con man. He was generous? He was like the reversal of Robin Hood. He robbed the public and spread the money among the privileged. Stop the bullshit with me about Lay not getting a fair trail because of all the public opinion. What he actually DID has something to do with how much of an ass face people think he was. Now he's dead and every hypocrite (who pretended not to know him) and accomplice has something nice to say. Oh, please. When Ronald Reagan diead, people were talking about how great a president he was. I was like, "What??" Did they remember what he did? Or everyone just has Alzheimer's like him?
I am not going to say something good about some assholes just because they are dead. Their state of existence has nothing to do with their deed or character. On the other hand, my grandmother died recently. She was a great woman. She lived a respectable and honest life and she will be remembered for who she was. Her being alive or dead does not change the way I feel about her.
While the joke is cruel (and funny), I hope the same can apply to Kenneth "Kenny Boy" Lay. Right-wing freaks thought it is some left-wing bullshit when people suggest Ken Lay did not die of natural causes, or maybe even faking his death. While there is no evidence to prove so, but the circumstances (the timing, the aftermath...) of his death is very suspicious.
Today, a banker related to Enron's case was found dead in the UK. Things only get fishier....
Because Ken Lay is dead, all these dumb fucks have been saying "good things" about him. For example, Bush called him a "generous man". What the fuck, Ken Lay's a douchebag, a white collar con man. He was generous? He was like the reversal of Robin Hood. He robbed the public and spread the money among the privileged. Stop the bullshit with me about Lay not getting a fair trail because of all the public opinion. What he actually DID has something to do with how much of an ass face people think he was. Now he's dead and every hypocrite (who pretended not to know him) and accomplice has something nice to say. Oh, please. When Ronald Reagan diead, people were talking about how great a president he was. I was like, "What??" Did they remember what he did? Or everyone just has Alzheimer's like him?
I am not going to say something good about some assholes just because they are dead. Their state of existence has nothing to do with their deed or character. On the other hand, my grandmother died recently. She was a great woman. She lived a respectable and honest life and she will be remembered for who she was. Her being alive or dead does not change the way I feel about her.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
My Five-Day Dog Bless America Holiday Weekend
Fourth of July gave me a 5-day weekend because I took Friday off to watch Italy kicking Ukarine's ass. Thanks to this long weekend, I am able to watch all the games LIVE. So I went to Wal-Mart Sunday and returned the piece of crap VCR which cost me 40 bucks. It feels so good to rip off big companies(or just ripping off anybody?). That forty dollars could be used to buy Criterion Collection DVD of Yasujiro Ozu's "Floating Weeds". Ozu is one of the greatest and that Criterion cover looks really nice.
Speaking of Criterion Collection, I just bought Wong Kar-Wai's "In The Mood For Love" from deepdiscountdvd.com and I'm still waiting for it from the mail. I wanted to pick it for the weekly movie night I have with my friends. One of the stupid reasons I wanna pick it is because the film was partially shot in my hometown Macau. Another movie I wanna pick is Shohei Imamura's The Eel.
That's pretty much how my long weekend was spent. Movies and World Cup games. I watched "Hana-bi"(for the second time), "Shoot The Piano Player", "Loves of A Blonde", 'Lady Vengeance" (in theater), "Stolen Kisses" (second time), Dr. Strangelove... and I shall watch "The Fireman's Ball" before I go to bed.
I'm so happy Italy is going to the Final. All I can wish is Portugal will go through tomorrow. Italy vs. Portugal, my predicted showdown since the beginning, my dream matchup. But it would be a pain for me to choose which side to root for. But for now, Here's my World Cup 2006 Best 11:
GK Ricardo (Portugal)
DF Fabio Cannavaro (Italy)
DF Grosso (Italy)
DF Miguel (Portugal)
DF Lahm (Germany)
MF Pirlo (Italy)
MF David Beckham (England)
MF Luis Figo (Portugal)
MF Riquelme (Argentina)
MF Vieira (France)
FW Klose (Germany)
It's hard to choose between Portugal's Ricardo and Italy's Buffon. Both of them have been great but I chose Ricardo because he does not have Cannavaro to help him on defense. I don't like Beckham, but I have to give him credit for lifting the English team. I only picked one forward because none of them had great performance. Afterall, this World Cup has the least goals in the history of the game.
Speaking of Criterion Collection, I just bought Wong Kar-Wai's "In The Mood For Love" from deepdiscountdvd.com and I'm still waiting for it from the mail. I wanted to pick it for the weekly movie night I have with my friends. One of the stupid reasons I wanna pick it is because the film was partially shot in my hometown Macau. Another movie I wanna pick is Shohei Imamura's The Eel.
That's pretty much how my long weekend was spent. Movies and World Cup games. I watched "Hana-bi"(for the second time), "Shoot The Piano Player", "Loves of A Blonde", 'Lady Vengeance" (in theater), "Stolen Kisses" (second time), Dr. Strangelove... and I shall watch "The Fireman's Ball" before I go to bed.
I'm so happy Italy is going to the Final. All I can wish is Portugal will go through tomorrow. Italy vs. Portugal, my predicted showdown since the beginning, my dream matchup. But it would be a pain for me to choose which side to root for. But for now, Here's my World Cup 2006 Best 11:
GK Ricardo (Portugal)
DF Fabio Cannavaro (Italy)
DF Grosso (Italy)
DF Miguel (Portugal)
DF Lahm (Germany)
MF Pirlo (Italy)
MF David Beckham (England)
MF Luis Figo (Portugal)
MF Riquelme (Argentina)
MF Vieira (France)
FW Klose (Germany)
It's hard to choose between Portugal's Ricardo and Italy's Buffon. Both of them have been great but I chose Ricardo because he does not have Cannavaro to help him on defense. I don't like Beckham, but I have to give him credit for lifting the English team. I only picked one forward because none of them had great performance. Afterall, this World Cup has the least goals in the history of the game.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
nowhere man
I hate to break this here (and there're not really people reading this shit), but I'm no good in telling people shit about myself in person (pretty lame for a counselor) and I like to say shit when I feel shitty.The thing I want to say is -- I think I'll probably leave the States this year. There are a few reasons.
Well, the most obvious reason is that I need my working visa to stay but my employer does not seem to handle the matter with much enthusiasm. Couldn't blame them though, since I myself do not feel quite motivated to push anything. Why? I really don't know. Maybe I don't really care about anything.
What am I going to do? Probably go back to my home Macau, at least for a while. I really can't see myself staying there for long. As much as I love my family and home, I feel very alienated for a lot of reasons. So I think I will travel around. I don't have money, maybe I'll be like the Incredible Hulk without being angry and turning green.
I'm fine with leaving this country. There are probably a few things I like miss if I leave: my friends, my work, movies and live music. That's about it.
I think I've said this numerous times. I don't feel like belonging any where. As much as many people want to leave and move some where else, most people knows they always have to a place to fall back to. I don't. Not even my home, because it is not the same anymore, or I don't feel the same towards it.
Maybe I just don't know what to do with myself.
or with life.
Maybe that's why I don't feel very enthusiastic about pursuing anything.
Well, the most obvious reason is that I need my working visa to stay but my employer does not seem to handle the matter with much enthusiasm. Couldn't blame them though, since I myself do not feel quite motivated to push anything. Why? I really don't know. Maybe I don't really care about anything.
What am I going to do? Probably go back to my home Macau, at least for a while. I really can't see myself staying there for long. As much as I love my family and home, I feel very alienated for a lot of reasons. So I think I will travel around. I don't have money, maybe I'll be like the Incredible Hulk without being angry and turning green.
I'm fine with leaving this country. There are probably a few things I like miss if I leave: my friends, my work, movies and live music. That's about it.
I think I've said this numerous times. I don't feel like belonging any where. As much as many people want to leave and move some where else, most people knows they always have to a place to fall back to. I don't. Not even my home, because it is not the same anymore, or I don't feel the same towards it.
Maybe I just don't know what to do with myself.
or with life.
Maybe that's why I don't feel very enthusiastic about pursuing anything.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
nail clipper
I just spent 3 dollars for a nail clipper in CVS. It is such a rip off. A nail clipper is not worth that money. Plus, why the fuck is it so big? What kind of American toes or fingers are they for?
And it's not that sharp.
It just made me feel uncomfortable when I uses it.
Where the hell is my old clipper?
And it's not that sharp.
It just made me feel uncomfortable when I uses it.
Where the hell is my old clipper?
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Jose + 10, Francisco + 10
I really like this adidas ad
This ad reminded me of my childhood when two persons took turns to pick a player for his team. I was always the quite last person to be picked when I was younger, probably because I was small and not very good (but hey, later one time the team I picked played pretty well).
Kids around the globe play the game the same way, and many of us imagine we could pick the great football stars we see on TV.
The ad connects with the audience because it makes our wildest dreams coming true (Jose and his friend even picked past legends Beckenbaur and Platini).
If I could pick 10 players to be on the team with me, I would choose:
Roberto Baggio (hey, my all-time favorite player)
Paolo Maldini (once the best defender in the world, another Italian)
Luis Figo (my favorite Portuguese player)
Eusebio (The Black Pearl, baby)
Diego Maradonna (my first soccer hero)
Vitor Baia (not the best goalkeeper, but always funny to watch)
Hidetoshi Nakata (my favorite Japanese midfielder)
Fabio Cannavaro (great hard-working defender)
Ronaldinho (currently the best)
Alessandro Nesta (another Italian defender I like a lot)
The song by RJD2 in the ad is wicked cool.
This ad reminded me of my childhood when two persons took turns to pick a player for his team. I was always the quite last person to be picked when I was younger, probably because I was small and not very good (but hey, later one time the team I picked played pretty well).
Kids around the globe play the game the same way, and many of us imagine we could pick the great football stars we see on TV.
The ad connects with the audience because it makes our wildest dreams coming true (Jose and his friend even picked past legends Beckenbaur and Platini).
If I could pick 10 players to be on the team with me, I would choose:
Roberto Baggio (hey, my all-time favorite player)
Paolo Maldini (once the best defender in the world, another Italian)
Luis Figo (my favorite Portuguese player)
Eusebio (The Black Pearl, baby)
Diego Maradonna (my first soccer hero)
Vitor Baia (not the best goalkeeper, but always funny to watch)
Hidetoshi Nakata (my favorite Japanese midfielder)
Fabio Cannavaro (great hard-working defender)
Ronaldinho (currently the best)
Alessandro Nesta (another Italian defender I like a lot)
The song by RJD2 in the ad is wicked cool.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
My Life Habit
Every winter, whinchats (a kind of bird) migrate from Asia or Europe to Africa during winter. It is a cycle for them, a habit which does not cease to exist. Every four years, my life is turned upside down for a month. I would deprive of sleep. I would miss school/work. I would be in a constant state of anticipation.
For every four years since I was eight, I dedicate my life to the great spectacle of the World Cup.
Something would be different for me this year, because it will be in the daytime for me (because I'm in the States and The World Cup is in Germany). Am I going to miss it? No. I have already asked for a day off on June 9 so that I could watch the opening match at home. Nothing is holy for Francisco Lo. This is probably as close as it gets.
For every four years since I was eight, I dedicate my life to the great spectacle of the World Cup.
Something would be different for me this year, because it will be in the daytime for me (because I'm in the States and The World Cup is in Germany). Am I going to miss it? No. I have already asked for a day off on June 9 so that I could watch the opening match at home. Nothing is holy for Francisco Lo. This is probably as close as it gets.
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